Sadly, no one was able to guess the identity of the Mystery Lady of Thursday Thought. The small number of comments replying to the question in the post of two weeks ago were grossly outweighed by the number of emails received by The eLFonian which saw the whole network go down trying to cope with the flurry of activity generated by the challenge question. Such activity has never before been experienced in eLFonia.
A small percentage thought that the mystery lady was the Queen of eLFonia (I didn’t convey this to Her Majesty as she would be most offended by the comparison). An even smaller number of readers thought she was Reece Witherspoon just before she was cuffed for refusing to obey the orders of a police officer, who was arresting her husband for driving under the influence. Obviously supporting her husband in her own drunken state, and interfering with the officer in the carrying out of his duties, she allegedly said to the officer, “Do you know my name?” before she was led away to the slammer. One reader even thought that the mystery lady was yours truly believing that the minor eLFonian procedure I mentioned recently was a sex change operation.
With no winner in sight, and after consulting with the eLFonian Board of Overly Optimistic Praise (eBOOP), it has been decided to still reveal the identity of the mystery lady. The Mystery Lady of Thursday Thought is … Mrs. eLFyster!
Yes, it’s Mrs. eLFyster. A capricious eLFette, Mrs eLFyster is prone to bouts of ranting and raving coupled with moments of madness and mayhem in her day (a condition that The eLFonian has noted as being prevalent amongst many females throughout Cyberspace) yet balanced with gentle, caring and fleeting seconds where a glimmer of hope is raised in the male population that life can indeed be better. Nothing out of the ordinary there as far as eLFettes go.
Yes, it’s Mrs. eLFyster who, when asked a question has episodes of mixed behaviour triggered almost instantaneously as she considers her reply. The unpredictable nature of this condition can see Mrs. elFyster just as likely to attack you with a hug and a gentle word of reassurance that she won’t take drastic action against any infringement of her personal space (or being asked useless questions) as she is to snap her fingers calling upon twenty eLFettes under her command to take you to the isolation chambers so that you can ponder your approach to her next time.
Yes, it’s Mrs. eLFyster who is susceptible, as are most eLFettes, to boxes (and I do mean boxes) of chocolates which she devours just as quickly as the affections cast upon her by her endearing cohort of eLFettes. When out in public, mingling with the masses, she casts an imposing figure of exuberance which only conceals the dark passion she carries within her for chocolates. Strangely, this hunger has not added to her weight and has become a source of jealousy amongst other eLFettes who have not been as fortunate on the scales – not that they will openly say so out of mortal fear of angering Mrs. eLFyster.
Yes, the mystery lady is Mrs. eLFyster who holds a considerable position of power in eLFonia. Unlike other eLFettes from the third quarter of eLFonia (known as “the third quarter of eLFonia”) from where Mrs. eLFyster originates, she has successfully weaned herself off the ancient eLFonian ritual of eating one’s young and regurgitating them at midnight when no one is watching (it’s really not a very pretty sight to behold but hey, that’s eLFonia for you). Besides, the young don’t seem to remember the experience as they mature into sophisticated members of eLFonia so there isn’t any harm done really except for the mess after the event.
Instead, Mrs. eLFyster has replaced this habitual aspect of eLFonian diet with mineral supplements providing her with a balanced and caring moment between 13:07 and 13:08 weekdays and Saturdays and twice on Sundays between 11:39 and 11:40 and then again between 19:23 and 19:24. Outside these times, she is just another eLFette with a ravenous appetite for chocolate. It is due to this determination in thought and purpose that has seen Mrs. eLFyster rise in the ranks of eLFonia to the position she now holds.
As for her age? Well, if I mention it here, the peering eyes of eLFette spies will report back to Mrs. eLFyster and the chances of The eLFonian ever posting again will be greatly reduced. As no one guessed the identity of the Mystery Lady of Thursday Thought then her age is no longer an issue.
Sadly, with no winner, the sidebar that would have held the winner in high esteem will come down. Beware though, even though there is no winner, Mrs eLFyster now knows that you know who she is and she is, no doubt, preparing plans to come and see you all. My suggestion, run! Truly, I do mean run! And run quickly! Run far! Run, very, very far! Hide! Hide, now!!!