The other night around the dinner table, a question surfaced. It was a harmless enough question yet it was one that was repeated throughout the night and one that has been asked before. It was the same question that resounded in the halls of eLFonia since the inception of The eLFonian. It was a question similar to the one asked just after The eLFonian was launched, the answer to which provided a basis for some understanding.
The frequency of this question has become such that it is now time for it to be addressed in a more thorough and complete manner, once and for all, laying to rest any misconceptions about the true nature of The eLFonian. The question is now stripped down and laid bare. The question, “what is en eLFonian?” is not so much about eLFonians but rather what is The eLFonian.
The Facts (well, sort of)
The usual starting point for any such inquiry is to consult the dictionary. eLFster’s Dictionary provides perhaps the most clear and complete definition. Contextually, the term, “eLFonian”, can be used in a number of senses but it relates predominantly to a citizen of eLFonia. Hence, The eLFonian has to do with eLFonians both figuratively and literally. This seems straight forward enough, right?
As a cursory consideration, this definition seems to suffice. Yet, to the inquisitive mind it screams out as an insufficient treatment in understanding the substance of The eLFonian. What else could The eLFonian be!
A more complete answer to the question requires an investigative approach that delves deeper into discovering the truth. Utilising the basic formula used in journalism, research and police investigations in information gathering for getting the complete story on the subject, and recalling as an aide memoire Rudyard Kibling’s poem from his short story, The Elephant’s Child to help in addressing all aspects of such an investigation, the answers to the following questions provide a more complete understanding of The eLFonian and eLFonians in general. The answers also provide means, motive, and opportunity thus establishing guilt should The eLFonian be required to pay for this gross mishap in blogdom.
So what is The eLFonian?
- What happened to cause The eLFonian to be developed? A severe bump to the head.
- Why did it happen? The eLFonian happened because of the severe bump to the head. The severe bump to the head happened because eLFy wasn’t watching where he was going.
- When did it take place? The severe bump to the head happened in October, 2014. The eLFonian happened shortly thereafter in the same month.
- Where did it take place? The severe bump to the head is believed to have occured in the corridors of eLFonia. However, given the level of memory loss that resulted from the bump to the head, the exact location of where the incident took place remains vague. The eLFonian happened after this misadventure, somewhere in Cyberspace after filling out a WordPress subscription form.
- How did it happen? The severe bump to the head happened while eLFy was walking. Not watching where he was going, eLFy tripped over a stack of old eLFonian history books concealed under layers of dust and cobwebs. Perchance, it happened because it had to.
- Who is The eLFonian about? You, me, life – and possibly people, even eLFonians, who have acquired a severe bump to the head.
Some additional important points to note about eLFonians:
- eLFonians should not be confused with the mythical creatures of Earth known as elfs. They are not related nor do they perform the same or similar functions.
- eLFs from eLFonia are another breed of eLFonian and bear no resemblance to elfs from Earth.
- A word of caution! eLFs from eLFonia, while harmless and placid, should be approached with care as they can be quite temperamental.
- Unlike elfs from Earth who are generally associated with a traditional end-of-year celebration, eLFs, indeed all eLFonians, are not concomitant with any tradition. They can appear out of nowhere at any time for any celebration and they end up staying until the end and beyond. Very rarely do eLFonians move in after the festivities are over.
- Just like on earth, there are good and bad eLFs and eLFonians.
- eLFonian vehicles are quite advanced travelling at speeds approximating that of light. This requires special flying suits being worn during flight. These suits appear to be similar to the everyday clothes worn by the mythical elfs of Earth and come in either Phthalo Blue or Carmine (eLFonians do not wear green – it’s an eLFonian thing). Note: elfs from earth were superimposed in the photos below purely for demonstration purposes given that eLFonians are very shy and rarely come out in public (refer to eLFster’s Dictionary).
So, there you have it. The eLFonian defined, laid bare, stripped down, raw and unplugged. With the question now addressed, hopefully for good, and the path clear, all that remains to be done is to come aboard and join The eLFonian on a journey “to infinity and beyond”.